my November wishes

it's November! i really didn't feel that time is running so fast. i hope this month will help me solving all of my problems, not making new problems. in this 30 days of November, i want to be a better person. starting from home and school. first, i wanna be stronger. it's not that easy. days gone by, but i can only be strong, not stronger. i'll try harder. pray for the strength to stand on November. i know i can. second, i wanna good at mathematic, physic, chemistry, and biology. it's sucks to be the dumbest person in my class. third, i hope i can be the best friend of my friend. they always here when i need someone, when i want to cry, when i feel weak, when there's nobody around, when there's nobody cares. they are the best of the best. 
maybe you think it's wierd to not see anything about a boy. i don't really care about them. i just wanna live in peace without them.

terima kasih

aku ga begitu tau sebaik apa allah sama aku. aku bisa bilang baik banget ya sumpahnya baik banget. alloh yg selalu ada buat aku kalo aku lagi butuh seseorang tapi ga ada yg dateng. alloh yg selalu nolong kalo aku lagi ada masalah. alloh yg selalu ngasih solusi dan pendapat yg tepat banget untuk dilakuin dan itu datangnya lewat hati. alloh yg selalu ngasih aku sesuatu yg aku butuhin. alloh yg selalu denger aku kalo aku nangis. ga ada yg lebih baik dari alloh. tapi satu kesalahan besar yg pernah aku lakuin, aku kurang bersyukur dan memanfaatkan udah dikasih seseorang yg the best. aku nyesel banget. sampai ahirnya alloh ngejauhin aku sama dia. oleh karena itu aku ga mau ngulang kesalahan lagi. aku syukurin itu semua walaupun kenyataan sakit, dan memang sampai sekarang aku masih belum bisa lupain semua. tapi it's ok. everything's gonna be ok. alloh ga akan bener-bener ngambil sesuatu dari kita, tapi sebenernya alloh udah mempersiapkan yg lebih baik lagi. entah itu berupa seseorang atau ada perubahan sifat dari aku. tapi aku lebih milih ada perubahan sifat yg lebih baik. menyesali yg udah terjadi emang ga baik karena cuma jadi beban pikiran dan bikin kita menciut, merasa semua salah kita. ga baik juga lah ngambil lagi sesuatu yg udah bukan milik kita lagi. jadi buat apa nyesel toh ga akan balik lagi ke kita. sekarang aku cuma mau bersyukur atas apa yg udah terjadi. dari yg menyenangkan sampai yg menyedihkan. aku terima semua itu lapang dada. aku ikhlasin semuanya karena itu bukan punya aku bukan rezeki aku. aku ingin berusaha untuk jadi yg lebih baik dari sebelumnya. waktu itu jalan ke depan bukan ke belakang, jadi buat apa kita liat ke belakang? waktu juga akan berjalan terus ga akan pernah berhenti dan ga akan ninggalin siapa-siapa. semuanya tergantung dari kita gimana kita manfaatin waktu kita sebaik mungkin karena waktu ga akan ngasih kesempatan kedua dalam waktu yg sama. sekarang aku manfaatin waktu aku untuk berusaha memperbaiki kesalahan dan menimbun masa lalu yg kurang berarti. makasih banyak ya alloh udah ngasih aku semuanya dan mengambil apa yg bukan milik aku. semuanya berarti dan penting. ga ada yg ga berguna atau cacat. aku ga akan memperjuangkan apa yg seharusnya ga aku perjuangkan dan aku punya. aku cuma ingin memperjuangkan apa yg alloh kasih dan memanfaatkannya sebaik mungkin. makasih ya alloh udah bantu aku berdiri tegak, kuat, dan kokoh di tengah-tengah keadaan aku yg kaya gini. kalo aku ga minta bantuan mungkin aku cuma bisa merangkak dan terus merangkak. makasih banyak ya alloh udah ngasih aku kekuatan yg dahsyat luar biasa. 

belajar senyum :)

aku suka heran sekaligus salut kalo ngeliat orang yg masih bisa senyum padahal kehidupannya sedang tidak bahagia atau memang ga bahagia sama sekali. apalagi kaya yg di sinetron -.-" atau realiti show gitu. mereka masih bisa senyum dengan ikhlasnya ga peduli mereka lagi menghadapi kesulitan sesulit apapun. apakah segampang itu mereka senyum? engga. ga mudah banget buat senyum disela-sela kesulitan kita. maka dari itu aku salut banget buat mereka-mereka yg bisa ngasih senyumnya buat kita walaupun susah. sebenernya aku ingin ngikutin cara mereka, tapi buatku susah. kalo aku ga suka sama sesuatu aku pasti memperlihatkan kalau aku emang ga suka. karena aku ga pandai untuk berpura-pura bahagia. kaya yg lagi aku alamin sekarang. masalah ini kebilang susah buat aku karena di sini aku ga suka seseorang malah bahkan benci (astagfirullah ga mau deh). walaupun bisa kebilang hal kecil, tapi buatku ini besar. karena orang yg aku ga suka ya orang yg pernah jadi pacarku. so complicated. aku udah maafin dia (ga tau deh dia udah minta maaf apa belum) tapi pikiran aku bikin aku ga suka sama dia. kenapa? karena beungeut dia ngajak perang elpiji (humor). karena dia berubah. okelah dia berubah karena kita udahan, aku bisa ngerti. tapi ga gini juga kali ya. orang bilang, cara aku liat dia tuh beda. kaya yg rada judes dan ngedelekin apalah itu. jujur memang benar adanya. dan aku selalu begitu ke semua orang yg aku ga suka. orang bilang juga aku terlihat sangat tegar dan kuat. jujur semua itu berbanding terbalik sama keadaan yg sebenarnya. disebut kuat dan tegar itu emang menyenangkan, tapi kalo liat keadaan kita yg aslinya malah "wah gue udah boong sama orang-orang". kalo untuk masalah ini aku masih bisa ngatasin karena tidak ada sangkut pautnya sama orang yg dituju. masalah kuat dan tegar aku yg melakukan dan aku yg berusaha, aku cuma minta bantuan untuk orang yg dituju tolong jangan bikin saya jengkel atau drop lagi ya. tolong dibantu ya. mohon bantuannya ya. kembali ke topik. sebenrenya aku ingin banget senyum sama orang yg aku ga suka tapi aku ga bisa pura-pura, susah ya. ga gampang buatku. apa sih rahasia mereka yg bisa senyum ikhlas? ingin banget. ya sudah lah sekarang aku mau pake caraku sendiri. ingin aku senyum sama orang-orang. tapi kalau mereka ga senyum balik atau malah "apa sih nih orang senyam senyum ke gue? salah gue apa coba?" gimana? oke namanya juga ikhlas, diterima atau ga diterima ga masalah yg penting ikhlas. senyum itu juga kan bisa jadi lambang bersyukur udah dikasih mulut dan bibir. apa salahnya untuk digunakan? mulai sekarang aku ingin bisa senyum ga peduli seberapa besar masalah yg lagi aku hadepin. 

Thank you :)

dear God, thanks for giving me today. i'm very pleased with it. I just can't expect You will grant my prayers so fast. how happy I am to face today. I hope it isn't just for today and will never end. I like to have friends like them. I know they will never break my heart. God, I really need them. I hope they will never leave me behind and so do I. and I hope there are so many people await to be my friends and I'll find them.

Poor Girl

do you know who is the poorest girl in the world? if you don't know, i can tell you. she's the third child in her family and the youngest. born on May 1994, now she's 16. just like the other teenage, she has feeling to the boys. an extraordinary feeling and she had a boyfriend. but one day, her boyfriend broke her up with a hard way. she really disappointed with him because of some reason, personal reason. she hope, she never had to meet him, ever and never. but she knew she couldn't blame anyone. these all were her life and she couldn't avoid it. it wasn't her fault, and neither was he. but life must go on. then she realized that she has to run this life as good as she can. and she's trying to get up till now. try to throw away the tears that fill her days. days gone by, but she can't find the way to cure her broken heart. she's too weak to do all of that. but she knows that she can make it, yes she believes she can do that. no matter what happen, she will make it. when she felt better, another problem came. actually it's not a new problem, it's an old problem but she can't handle it anymore. you know what? today she cried. cried in the corner of her class. cried because she has so many friends, but no one wants to be her friend. there was only two of her friends who accompanied her. they made her feel better. she feels so lonely. what's wrong with her? does she do something? is she not pretty enough? she knows that she's not pretty enough, and so do they. she's not too smart but will, she's not tall but will, she's not white but will. are that wrong for you guys? she knows she can't socialize with anyone. as she knows, she's a loner. she means loner in an empty place, but not in the crowded place. how can she be a loner if there're so many people? although she consider herself as a loner, of course she needs friends. but she can't have it, even just one. she feels invisible in everyone's life. there was she, but nobody noticed. her ex-boyfriend is looking for a new girl, and her old friends are looking for some new friends and she's alone. she doesn't want friends, but she needs them. and she needs a true friends not the traitor. and ironically, these all is me. I wrote about myself. 

Hey this is for you

HEY you boy! this is for someone who used to be my boyfriend for about 11 months. you know what? I use all my holiday for forgetting about you and I try to get up from all these tears. and I just made it. I get up. I never wanna know about you anymore. it's very hard, don't think it's very easy for me. it's hard to face the truth that someone I loved broke his own promise that he will never broke my heart. it's sucks, boy! you were my first love, and i thought you were the last too. how stupid I am to think like that. so stupid enough. and tomorrow, my first day in school, I hope it won't destroy. I don't want you to bring me down like you used to. don't you bring me down everyday. just go away! you are unneeded and unwanted in my life. you can only destroy my life! GO TO JAIL YOU, JERK!

:)

HEY you boy! we're done in everything! you said although we broke up we can still be friends. but how can we be friends if you just make me down and break my heart again? what kind of friend like that? i really don't wanna have a friend like that! it's gross. it's sucks. my friends never dare to break my heart. i don't even wanna know your name. okay we're done in everything. you're not my friend anymore. and you're not my enemy. nothing less nothing more. you're nobody in my life! :)